And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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