I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
