He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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