I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
