Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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