literally had 100 drinks last night.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
