I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
