This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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