Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
