Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
