I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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