Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
