If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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