I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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