One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
