You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
