My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
