I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
