You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
