if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
