Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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