Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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