She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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