Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My penis needs a shock collar
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
