I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
