"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
