a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
