okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Randomize
