he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
