That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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