If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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