i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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