Fine. I'll sleep in my office
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
