I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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