dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
This beer is not sobering me up at all
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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