was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
