wakey wakey hands off snakey
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
