I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
