Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
