Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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