her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
