I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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