3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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