Just fell off a train. Bad.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
