He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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