Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
