I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
