why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Randomize
