Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
