She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
