note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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