The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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