I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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