Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
