Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
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my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
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Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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