I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
