giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
How does one acquire holy water?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
