Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
