He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
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and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
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