just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
