My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
