He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
