I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
