jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
