I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
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