the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
