i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
