He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
