I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
