Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Terrible idea I love it
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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