dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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